TRP: Goro and Mishka (Wait)
Lina: at 10:58 AM A bar in Glimmerton. Day 153. The bar didn't seem like Mishka's sort of establishment, but it was the nicest Glimmerton had to offer. Ah well. Goro arrived first. He approached the bartender and eyed the impressive selection of bottles lined up on the shelves. "Uh. I guess I'll have water." "Two copper." "For water?" Goro griped, even as he was digging into his pocket for the money. He slammed the coins on the bar and waited for the bartender to pour him a glass. The fucker was even uglier than Tazu. Goro missed the Crooked Coin. They never put fingers in their stew, or charged for water unless you were an asshole. He took the glass back to a table in the corner, one secluded enough for a private conversation. Closed his eyes and prayed over the water, not trusting it to not be diseased or polluted or whatever. Then he took a sip, and watched the door. He was half expecting to be stood up, and that was fine. Coyote: at 11:06 AM Mishka had thought carefully about this. He’d written a list. His first plan was to show up wearing the mask again. Go to the Silverlit Inn, put the bullshit back on. Slip back into his old persona. That would be easier, maybe. He just didn’t have the energy for it, though. He wanted this to be done. He stepped into the bar. Goro was sitting at a table back in a corner in a shady part of the bar. Of course he was. Lina: at 11:08 AM Goro raised his hand and waved Mishka over. Coyote: at 11:12 AM Mishka grabbed some water from the bar, and a napkin— figured he’d need something to do with his hands. He sat down, crossing one leg over the over, arranging himself casually. He dug a list out of his pocket and set it down. There was only one bullet point on it, this time. Lina: at 11:19 AM Goro surreptitiously eyed the note Mishka laid out. Huh, okay. Meaningless. He tried smiling at Mishka. That was a thing normal people did when they were being friendly. Was fucking weak, and strained, and Mishka would be able to tell that, so he dropped it. "How's... things?" Coyote: at 11:32 AM Mishka stared at him for a long beat. He thought about saying: The last time I saw you and had a full conversation with you, I told you how much I cared about you. I said I missed you and you'd scared me. And you laughed and stormed off. Mishka was done saying things. He had already tried every approach. If saving Goro's life twice didn't help-- if nothing else he had done had helped-- he had no clue what would help now. "They're fine," he said, instead. Lina: at 11:46 AM Goro groaned and slouched, chin dropping to his chest. "God. Things weren't this bad even when you were planning to murder me for airship blueprints." He laughed weakly. Mishka didn't join him. Goro straightened up again, pulled one foot up on the chair so he could hug his knee. "Alright, listen. I asked you here so I could explain myself. 'Cause I fucked up real bad, alright? I get it." He took a deep breath. "Listen, the way things were between us before..." He'd committed himself to being honest, but he couldn't look Mishka in the eye. He looked everywhere else in the bar instead, head moving around like he was watching a bird flitting from place to place. "I really liked you, you know. I really..." His heart was beating painfully hard, already. "I loved... I liked spending time with you, and the way you made me feel, and it seemed like something was changing between us and I... alright, on the ship. I thought I--I would end up falling for you, and I thought, hah, that's fucking stupid, you weren't going to feel that way for me back, and I couldn't stand the idea of getting my heart broken again. Right after Nixie, I mean." Now, he was able to look at Mishka head-on. So much easier to explain his fuck-ups than his frailties. "So I told myself I had to stop, and stay away from you. That's why I wasn't talking to you. I, uh. I realize now that was probably not the best thing to do. But I was too fucking embarrassed. And now, this." He gestured between them, then sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I don't fucking wanna kill you, Mishka. I never did. I was just pissed off." He chewed his lip. "That, uh, might be something for me to work at. Not making idle death threats." Coyote: at 2:14 PM Mishka couldn’t breathe for a second. Goro had said: I really liked you, you know. Goro had said: I liked spending time with you, and the way you made me feel, and it seemed like something was changing between us. Goro had said: I would end up falling for you, and I thought, hah, that's fucking stupid, you weren't going to feel that way for me back. That rattled him. It made Mishka’s breath catch and a panic feeling blossom in his gut. He liked it too much, and it was terrifying. He couldn’t handle it. So he just kind’ve… shut it off instead. There was too much going on. Mishka held there for a long moment, forced himself to breathe, to calm down. He needed to take this one step at a time, he thought. He needed to fix this. He looked at Goro’s face. Goro was upset. Not looking at Mishka. Looking at the bar. Maybe he was lying. Maybe he wasn’t. Maybe he’d taken the note off the door. Maybe he hadn’t. It didn’t matter. Goro was upset, and something was wrong. Mishka couldn’t be upset right now. He needed to calm down and help Goro. He just needed to figure out how. He scooted his chair back. Fingers went unconsciously to his wrist, nails digging in. Felt his nails break the skin. Felt something slick beneath his fingers. The pain gave him something to focus on, helped him breathe. “Okay,” he managed. “Okay, that—makes sense.” Plans. He needed to think of plans. Lina: at 2:26 PM That makes sense was promising... sort of... although Mishka seemed hella fucking distressed by it, for some reason. Goro would've expected him to get mad, maybe, or have no change at all, or in a world where everything went Goro's way maybe Mishka would smile at him again, but... he seemed panicky all the sudden. Was digging into his wrist again. Goro almost pointed it out and said Is that what we're doing again? but the situation seemed too delicate and sometimes, he was capable of keeping his fucking mouth shut. "Um. So." He took a sip of water. "I'm sorry for all that. I'm... trying to do better. In my life. At things." Coyote: at 2:36 PM "That's good," Mishka managed, voice a little strained. He rested his head on the table and closed his eyes. He tried to focus. Couldn't. Thought about stepping outside. Couldn't. He should've brought Hansel with him. Hansel would notice the problem and gently take him outside and stand there with him while Mishka calmed down. Or Hansel would sit a little closer to him, protectively, and wrap his arm around Mishka's waist, and that would be good too. Or he'd buy Mishka a drink and insist Mishka drink it. Something. He'd tell Mishka what to do, guide him gently, help him calm down a second. Lina: at 2:37 PM "Mishka," Goro said carefully. Calm, kind of quiet, hopefully not... scary. "What's wrong?" Coyote: at 3:29 PM “Dunno,” Mishka managed. “Having a lot of—feelings. Can you—” No. “I need you to—” Wasn’t doing that. “Mer—” Absolutely fucking not. Deep breath. “I need to go outside. Where it’s cold. You can come. Better out there. Less noise.” He took another moment to gather himself and went for the door. Lina: at 3:34 PM "Yeah. Alright." Goro followed him, glancing around the place anxiously, like there was someone here who could help. Yeah right. He was fuckin' on his own. Coyote: at 4:16 PM Mishka caught the look. It still caught him off-guard, sometimes, how fuckin’ scared the kid was of him. He wondered if there was a way to fix it. Help him feel safe. Safewords and talking, easy and gentle. Mishka didn’t want Goro to be scared of him. Most of the time, at least. He was okay with it sometimes. He wanted Goro to be intimidated by him… sometimes, when it was okay. When it was safe. He liked the look in Goro’s eyes the first time they’d kissed. The tension. The way he stood frozen against the wall, not pulling forward or away. He’d really fucking liked that. He just didn’t like—this. Fucking hated that neither of them could let their guards down around each other anymore. He fucking hated how bad it’d gotten. Had no clue how to move without hurting the kid. It felt like nothing he did had any impact. Four months later and back to ground zero. Mishka leaned against the building outside. The air was crisp and clear. He made himself dig his bloody fingernails out of his wrist. Pulled his sleeve down over it.(edited) Lina: at 5:04 PM Goro stared at Mishka's wrist, not so subtly this time. Still, not good to say anything. He didn't have to make a snide remark about it. He knew why Mishka did it. "Why you freaking out?" Goro asked, the same way he'd ask what Mishka was planning to eat for dinner that evening. Nice and casual. Coyote: at 5:23 PM Nah, this was a fuckin’ trick. Mishka wasn’t having it. "Look," Mishka said, after a long moment. “It doesn’t matter. We need to—straighten things out.” Got other shit to deal with than Mishka’s soft fucking feelings. Some fucking pirate. “We need to establish some rules,” Mishka said. “Clear the air. You said some shit before about how you wanted Hansel to leave me so he could—love you instead. That’s not how it fuckin’ works.” He worked his tongue around his teeth, thought of how to say this without lying or being dishonest. Sometimes he had to concentrate to say the exact true thing with no layer and no lies. "In the wood elf tribes around here, relationships are… separate," Mishka said. "Y'don't, like, marry one person and that's that. You might be married to one person, or two people, or have three boyfriends and no spouses, or-- any such thing. Look. The point is, this can be like that. You and me-- I've got no fucking interest in competing with you. That's fucking dumb and I'm not doing it. Your relationship with Hansel is separate from my relationship with Hansel." Then, because he felt like Goro needed to hear this: "Hansel can love you the exact same way he loves me. You can be equally important. That’s on the table, alright? Ten years down the road, he can have two husbands. Again: I’m not saying that’s what will happen. Maybe you'll lose interest or he'll lost interest or... what have you. Who fucking knows. I’m not Hansel." And then he said, “That’s all I’m saying. You don’t need to be upset Hansel loves me. He can also love you. The exact same fucking away. Alright?” Lina: at 5:55 PM Goro thought about saying a lot of different things. Why are you telling me this? Okay, but why won't you tell me why you're freaking out? You trying to distract me? And, when he actually thought about what Mishka was saying, Now hang on, what about that business about souls splitting in two? Not that Goro actually believed in that kind of thing. Nothing he'd ever read about souls and how they worked backed that up. Seemed weird, though, for someone to say the man he believed was his soulmate could love someone else the exact same way. Which brought him back to Why are you telling me this? When Goro had been younger, he talked less than he did now. Saying nothing had been his preferred tactic in many situations. Almost always, it could get you in less trouble than saying the wrong thing could. He was thinking, lately, he ought to go back to that method. His mouth got him in trouble a fucking lot lately. Alright, so, he needed to slow the fuck down, not blurt something out. As far as he could tell, Mishka wasn't fucking with him at the moment--he really wanted Goro to know this shit about wood elves, and Hansel loving him and whatever else--and if Goro thought about what had triggered this, the moment he'd told Mishka he thought maybe if Mishka were horrible Hansel would leave him... Ah. Well. Yeah, no fucking wonder. "I shouldn't have said that," he said finally. "Was a shitty thing to say. I'm sorry." Coyote: at 6:10 PM Mishka folded his arms. Stuck his fingers into the creases of his elbows to warm them up. "It's fuckin'-- It's fine. I don't give a shit. I get it, alright? I get you feeling that way. I'd shank somebody for Hansel, too. I'd feel jealous if he loved someone else more than me, too. Shit happens." Lina: at 6:11 PM "Then why'd you tell me all that? You trying to make me feel better?" Coyote: at 6:21 PM Mishka looked at him as if he were insane. "Yes," Mishka said, carefully. "I like fucking with you when it's fun. I don't want to actually hurt you. When you are actually fucked up about something, I would like to stop and sort it out. And fuckin' talk about it. And make sure you're good, and you're--" He stopped, gritting his teeth. "And make sure you're safe," he said. "And I thought." He stopped dead there and didn't say anything else. He let his air out through gritted teeth. I assumed you felt the same. I assumed you didn't actually want to fuck me up. I assumed you'd stop and explain once you saw you'd freaked me out. Because that's what Mishka would have done. That's what Mishka had done, when he'd realized Goro had gotten scared to him. He'd assumed that once Goro realized he'd inflicted actual harm, he'd take it back. And then gotten his fucking feelings hurt once Goro hadn't. "I like fucking with you when it's fun," Mishka said. "It's not fun when you actually get fucked up. I don't want to fuck you up. I just don't. I don't care if you fuck me up. It's fine. But I don't-- fucksake. I don't want to hurt you." Lina: at 6:29 PM "Liar. Fucking liar." Ah, shit, again with the blurting, already. Had to get a little more specific. "You do so care if I fuck you up. I made you cry the other night, and now you're fucking--" Goro waved uselessly at Mishka's wrist. Mishka had his fingers tucked neatly away from the cold. Goro wanted to fucking grab his hands, warm them up himself. Heal his bleeding wrist. "You're freaking out again, right now, because of something I did, and I don't even know what this time! I don't want to fucking hurt you either, asshole!" God, damn, he couldn't fucking say nice things even when-- He flapped both hands in the air. Something to do with them besides grab Mishka and hold him tight. "Now I'm freaking out 'cause you're freaking out!" Coyote: at 7:10 PM Mishka wanted to grab his hands and hold them down. Gently. Speak quietly and reassuringly until Goro was fine again. Which was fucking ridiculous, because that was not the type of thing that Goro seemed to want from him. “Look,” Mishka said raggedly. “You went from holding me gently while I had a fucking panic attack during sex to laughing in my fucking face when I told you you scared me real fucking quick. I don’t know how to let my guard down around you when you do this shit. I don’t know how to—” I don’t know how to let my guard down around anyone. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Mishka forced himself to relax. Lowered his voice. “I want to believe you,” Mishka said, “when you say shit about not—not wanting to kill me. I really… really want to.” His voice hurt. Ragged and painful. “I wish I could. It’s probably not you. I’m just—look. I’m a fucking neurotic, paranoid mess. I’m aware of that.” Maybe he was defective. Maybe if he were someone else. Anyone else. Lina: at 7:27 PM Goro snorted and covered his face. Which he realized probably wouldn't help matters, given that one of the things Mishka just cited was Goro laughing at him. He dropped his hands and shook his head. "Well, me too, pal. Me too. We're cut from the same cloth, you ever think about that? Boy, Hansel sure has a fucking type." Shook his head again. "You know, you're the kind of guy who once told me your brilliant plans to betray and kill me but said you'd be sad about it because I'm so--fucking--clever or witty or something, I don't remember. So maybe we can call it even on the death threats thing. "Oh, oh, I know what you're gonna say. Wasn't the same. The whole panic attack during sex thing. My death threat came after that, right. But it is the same for me, you know. I've never stopped thinking of you as someone who might turn on me. You admitted as much, yourself. Something pushes you in just the right way, comes down to it, and you'll turn on everyone except Hansel. Not that I blame you. Not a bit. But it's there. You said it." He smiled crookedly. "I didn't even think that was worth quitting you over. Go ahead, fucking stab me. Guarantee you I'll think it's fair. Break my heart, though, oh no. I'm too fragile for that one, I guess." He shrugged, with no idea of where this left things between them. Coyote: at 7:55 PM Mishka took a step back. Settled against the wall again. I've never stopped thinking of you as someone who might turn on me. Yeah. That made sense. Lined up with everything. That thing about Mishka leaving him to die—that had been a joke. Months ago. Probably wouldn’t matter, though, if he said that. Maybe Mishka should just give up. Maybe this was just how it was. Goro wasn’t going to just wake up one morning and trust him. He tilted his head back. Thought it over. “Yeah,” he said. “That’s fuckin’… that’s fair. You probably shouldn’t trust me. I don't blame you. I don't.” He thought about Aleksei, Tricksy, Bethie, Asenka. Jonesy. Hansel. Lina: at 8:11 PM "Yeah. Well." Shit. He didn't realize until after Mishka said it that he'd been hoping for some kind of reassurance. Don't worry, the sky isn't really blue. Because fuck, god, he just... he wanted... Well, he wanted Mishka. Oh fucking well. He wrapped his arms around himself. The damn chill was getting to him. "And by the way, I didn't fucking laugh because I thought you being scared was funny. I just thought it was such a ridiculous fucking notion, being scared of me. Still do." Coyote: at 8:24 PM Goro looked like he was getting cold. Mishka was frozen, too; the fine silk cloak he’d worn today didn’t give him much protection from the chill air. There was still snow on the ground. Snowflakes began to fall, and Mishka winced. “Neye,” he said. I want to talk with you a while longer. Look at me. “Come follow me. Maybe we ought to get somewhere warm." He thought about going back to the castle. But it was a ways away, and there were people there, people they might run into, and Mishka wanted to be alone for this. Maybe they could... get a room at an inn or something. Somewhere private and quiet. They could lie by the fire and warm up. And be alone. He didn't know. He just wanted to lie by the fire and explain. He offered Goro his arm, offering to pull him in close, without really thinking about it. Just wanted him warm-- just wanted both of them warm. "I want to talk to you," he said. "Just not sure where. Just... not a fuckin' alley while you're freezing."(edited) Lina: at 8:29 PM "Castle?" He linked his arm through Mishka's. Fucking--fuck, how the fuck could Mishka feel warm and safe when-- He pulled his arm back. Decided that was rude. Took his arm again. He'd fucking--get through this. Coyote: at 8:40 PM Mishka felt the tension. Decided to press it. Because, fuck it, he wanted to. He wrapped his arm around Goro's waist, kept walking that way. "It can be the castle. There's that sitting room on the second floor. Two couches by the fireplace. It's not... private... but no one will be there." There never was. It was out of the way, over by where the empty servants' quarters were. Lina: at 8:42 PM "There's also my room," Goro said, and immediately wished he could suck it back in. Coyote: at 8:49 PM "Is that where you want me?" Mishka couldn't help it. He snickered at his own joke.(edited) Lina: at 8:52 PM Goro didn't say anything. Had to remember that trick--say less, get in less trouble. He settled in closer to Mishka, putting his arm around him too, so they were linked together. His mind couldn't decide what to make of the touch. Every inch of contact--at once too hot, and not warm enough. Like bringing your hands closer to a fire, feeling them blister, pulling them away, moving them closer. Coyote: at 8:56 PM Once they reached the castle, Mishka glanced at Goro as they headed up the stairs. Fell back, watched to see if Goro really went towards his room. Lina: at 9:10 PM Goro paused in the servants' quarters on the second floor, gaze flicking between the couches by the fireplace and the stairs up to his room. Just... felt... fucking weird. He'd let Mishka touch intimate fucking parts of his body, and quite enjoyed it, but showing him his bedroom and all that entailed still gave him a lurch in his gut, and not the pleasant kind. Maybe he just wasn't ready. The only people he'd ever let into his private space were Amari, Nixie, Larkin, and Hansel--all people he'd trust to hold a fucking knife blade at his throat while he slept, frankly. Mishka was... hm. Not there yet. Maybe he would be someday. Maybe he'd never be. But not yet. Goro went to the fireplace and started piling fresh wood on the grate. Considered making some excuse about how there was no firewood in his room, but decided not to bother. Coyote: at 9:26 PM This was probably better. Mishka kicked off his shoes, took off the cloak. Thought, briefly, about the cloak Goro had given him for Candlenights. Maybe he ought to actually wear it next time. "Look," Mishka said, finally. He'd been thinking about this on the way over. "We've had a couple of these fights now. Maybe the fucking and the fighting-- maybe that's not the way to go, with us. That's not what I..." That wasn't what he wanted. "Maybe we just chill out," Mishka said. "Calm down. Go slow. Expect it to take a while. Stop sleeping together and stop with the death threats. Maybe we're just..." Friends? On the same side? "Maybe we're just friends," Mishka said. "I mean, we don't have to be right now. But can we just-- mutually agree that's what we want, here?" Lina: at 9:39 PM Goro whispered a prayer to summon a flame to his fingertips, which he used to light the kindling. He blew gently until it took, then shifted back, sitting on the floor and hugging his knees. He glanced over at Mishka. "Yeah. Agreed." Mishka had said he wanted to keep talking, but he didn't say what about. Goro chose something. "So, uh. Tell me how this works, then. We trade him off every other night?" Steal me, then, chatichi. "Or maybe I'm every third night, or some shit, because... husbands, or whatever the fuck you two are." I'm fucking in love with you. "I guess I don't really get a claim, but I'd like to know what to expect." Coyote: at 9:42 PM Mishka thought it over. Sounded awkward. And annoying. He disliked it. “Look.” He stopped. Thought it over again. A few times. Back and forth, made sure it wasn’t just an impulse decision. Made sure it was something he actually meant. “I want to trust you,” Mishka said. “I don’t right now. But I want to.” He said, “Do you want to trust me?” Then— “I’m not asking you to trust me right now. I’m just… I’m just fucking asking if you want to. Eventually." Lina: at 9:45 PM "What a funny question," Goro said thoughtfully. "I don't want to trust you if you're going to fuck me over one day, no. Would I like to get us to a point where we can both be sure not to fuck each other over? Gosh, wouldn't I." He picked up the poker and nudged the logs with it, needlessly. Coyote: at 9:46 PM "What would that take?" Lina: at 9:47 PM Goro turned to look at Mishka over his shoulder, and smirked. "Well, you'd have to decide you weren't going to fuck me over." Coyote: at 9:49 PM "Goro, I decided that months ago," Mishka said. "The fuckin' thing-- the thing I said about leaving you to die-- it was a joke. A really, really stupid joke." Lina: at 9:54 PM "Oh, such a good one, though. I still get a chuckle out of it from time to time. Hey, listen." Goro turned back to the fire and continued jabbing at it. "You know what I was thinking the other night? We've got two people between us--Joan and Hansel--who aren't gonna just fucking let us... destroy each other, or whatever the fuck. I felt better, when I realized that. Maybe it'll make you feel better, too. Although I think Joan might literally kill you if you hurt me. You'd have to hurt me pretty bad, though. Maybe check with her beforehand." Oh, shit. "Uh." He glanced at Mishka. "Did that count as a death threat? Sorry. I fucking... take it back. Joan did strangle a guy once with her bare legs for trying to stab me but that was, you know. Not a friend."(edited) Coyote: at 10:23 PM Mishka looked over at Goro, faintly amused. He stretched out his legs on the couch. "You are really bad at making peace with people." He said, "You didn't answer my question. About what it would take." Lina: at 10:26 PM Goro hid the bottom half of his face behind his knees. He didn't want to tell Mishka Hansel told me you might fuck me up. Seemed unfair to Hansel, like ratting him out. But maybe it was unfair to Mishka for him not to know. Fuck. "I don't know, Mishka," he said quietly. "I don't know." Coyote: at 10:50 PM Mishka watched Goro a moment. A long moment. He looked so fucking young, sometimes. Sitting curled up on the floor. The kind’ve kid who grew up way too fast and simultaneously not at all. Mishka had always been a bit… wild… for an elf. He’d ditched his home at sixty. Gone running off for adventure and immediately spent all his time robbing dragons, searching tombs, and just generally fucking things up. Inventing stories. Maybe his blood ran too hot. It was weird, interacting with the mortal races sometimes. Strange to remember that: to them, he was old. He was well past one hundred. But to the elves in Alabaster, Mishka was a child. Sometimes he wondered if he was thinking about this wrong. Mishka had always been too wild and hot-blooded to be a high elf. Maybe he didn’t need to make Hansel live longer. Maybe Mishka should’ve been born human, instead. There’s something wrong with me, Mishka had said to Hansel. Hansel had said: There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing fucking wrong with you. I’ll kill everyone who ever told you that.(edited) Mishka kept watching. Goro didn't move. A slow, quiet realization unfolded inside him. He genuinely didn’t want to hurt this person. It’d be like stepping on a kitten. And even when Goro inevitably got older and more dangerous—even then, it’d be like stepping on a cat. Mishka liked cats. He didn’t want to hurt anyone anymore. He was tired of burning people. If there was nothing wrong with him—if he wasn’t… defective… then it was within in his control, and he could stop. Stop being a fatalist about it. Slow down. Think things through. “Okay,” Mishka said. “Well. I’ll wait, then. And even if you never do… that’s fine. I’ll wait.” He did the math quietly in his head. Mishka was one hundred and eighteen this week. Most elves lived ‘til seven-fifty. He had another six hundred years left. Goro was… thirty-three? That meant Goro had another hundred and fifty years. That was a long time to get to know each other. Mishka could wait.(edited) Lina: at 11:00 PM Goro had thought the stuff about Joan and Hansel being in between them would help more, but apparently not. Goro felt like it was fucking fine--he was used to not trusting people. Figured Mishka was, too, but nah, he needed to have a plan for building trust and shit. Goro never bothered trying to figure out how to trust people. He trusted people if they were trustworthy. Nothing complicated about that. He squinted at his nails in the dim light, checking them for dirt. "You didn't answer my question, either. How often do I get him?" Coyote: at 11:12 PM "Look, I'll be frank with you. I feel a bit odd divying up Hansel like a steak," Mishka said. "One thing you are rapidly going to learn about him, kitten, is the fact that Hansel sleeps where he pleases. Guarantee you if we show up with a biweekly plan he's going to tear it in two and go sleep without either of us." Mishka kept his body posture casual. He picked the broken pocket watch he'd received as a mystery gift on Candlenights out of his pocket and fiddled with it. "Look, I'm not really into the strict plan thing," Mishka said. "Y'make a good point. About Joan. And Hansel, I guess." That wasn't what had changed his mind, but it was a good point. "I'm fine... sleeping in the same bed with you. I honestly-- look, it was good. It was nice." Lina: at 11:16 PM "Since we're being all honest and shit, here's the thing about me." Goro spun himself around so he was facing Mishka. He opened his mouth to continue, then paused. "...uh. Wait. Same bed again? Are... are you sure?" Coyote: at 11:20 PM "Yeah," Mishka said. "Sorry for not, y'know, sayin' earlier. Was just thinking it over for a bit before I opened my mouth and said it. Maybe not every night. Maybe some nights I need to fuck off and be alone. Hansel and I already do that, anyway. Maybe sometimes you need to fuck off and be alone. Maybe some nights it's just the two of your. Who fuckin' cares. Life's short. Let's do what we please. Besides." Mishka waved his hand. "It's Hansel's room. He decides who sleeps there. Again. You are rapidly going to learn some things about how Hansel operates." Mishka's private room was his study. He just didn't have a bed in there because-- well, what was the point? He could sleep on the couch there, though, if he pleased. Lina: at 11:38 PM Goro made a tent out of his hands and hid his face inside it. "Yes. I get it. Hansel does what he wants." He opened his mouth again to keep talking, but it was fucking hard. He licked his lips. "I know I don't have a claim to him, like I said." He could just... not ask Mishka for advice on this, if it was making him so fucking anxious. That was also an option. Accepting whatever happened, whatever he could get. Ah, hell no. "The thing about me is that I never fucking know if, you know, if I, fuck." Shaking breaths. Try again. "Every time he's stayed the night with me I don't know if it's the last time and I don't know how to ask when he's coming back or if he's coming back and I guess he just fucking wants to so maybe he will but I wake up in the morning and I don't know if he's gonna be there again that night and it feels, you know, wrong to ask 'cause he's fucking married and I don't want him to think I think he owes me, or anything, but I just fucking wonder and I don't know how to ask... how to say... you know if I fucking, want him to stay with me, if I need him... which is all the time... but if I really need him..." Goro lowered his hands and lifted his head, feeling dizzy and dry-mouthed. He smacked his lips a few times, considered everything he'd just said, and thought about going to throw himself off the tower walkway so he'd never embarrass himself that bad again. Coyote: at 11:50 PM Mishka looked at him a long moment. Felt that envious feeling again, for a moment. Felt it, then let it go. Didn't matter. Wasn't dealing with it. "Just tell him," Mishka said. "Look. I know it's difficult. Just... say so, though. Just tell him something's gone wrong and you'd like him to come spend the night with you and not with me." December 24, 2018 Lina: at 12:01 AM Goro made himself picture it: imagined himself being really upset over something, or even not that upset, maybe, just lonely. Saying to Hansel, "I need you to stay with me. Will you stay?" And the most peculiar thing was--what made him writhe inside, scared to try it, was the thought that Hansel would probably wrap him up tight in his arms, carry him to bed, and not let go of him until Goro said it was okay. When he imagined the opposite (Hansel laughing him off, telling him he was on his own, leaving him), god, that almost felt like a relief. That felt, somehow, like the safer outcome. What in Mask's name was he to make of that? "Okay," Goro said hoarsely, pretty fucking sure he wouldn't be able to do it. Coyote: at 12:03 AM Hm. "Look. I've got a pretty good read on you. I'll fuckin' tell him when you're having a bad day." Lina: at 12:08 AM Goro's eyes widened. "You'd do that? You... you can't fucking... you shouldn't have to do that." Coyote: at 12:09 AM "Doubt I'll have to," Mishka said. "Look, if the son of a bitch can read me, he can read you. No offense." Lina: at 5:04 PM "Yeah. Ah." Goro grunted and shrugged. "Probably not as big a deal as I was making it, if we can all share a bed again, anyway." He rose to his feet and stretched, loosening up his neck and shoulders. Eyed the empty space at the end of the couch, by Mishka's feet. Slowly, and as casually as he could, he took a seat. Coyote: at 5:25 PM Mishka eyed him, sitting tense and careful on the other side of the couch. Made a split-second decision, without really thinking about it. Caught Goro by the wrist, dragged Goro over against him on the couch to lie together. Normally, Mishka would've just lightly tugged. An invitation rather than a command. He liked it better this way, though-- he'd noticed Goro responded well to Mishka just doing shit. Like the bandages thing. Mishka had asked Goro to lie still so he could help, and Goro had argued. Then Mishka just kind've fucking told him to lie still and be quiet and started bandaging him up anyway, and Goro had let him. He figured Goro and Hansel were sort've opposites. Couldn't make Hansel do shit. Had to make Goro do shit, apparently. He liked it. There was a leather wristband on Goro's wrist. Fucking heal yourself, it said in burnt lettering. Mishka looked at it, then look at Goro, amused. Lina: at 5:32 PM As soon as Mishka dragged him over, Goro went rigid and held his breath. Oh, god. Being this close to him. Close enough to smell his skin and hair. Close enough to whisper in his ear, and then kiss it. Fucking... fuck. "Uh..." He swallowed. "You're still wanting to, uh, take it slow?" Coyote: at 5:41 PM “Mm,” Mishka said. Closed his eyes. Enjoyed the moment. “Yeah. Rather wait. I know I’m pretty fucking back-and-forth, y’know, but this is a bit much even for me.” This was pretty fucking good, though. Just lying here quietly. Easily. Really fucking good. How Goro tensed up but didn’t quite pull away. The way his breath hitched a little. Mishka liked the good parts. He just didn’t want the bad parts anymore. “I just don’t want to—fuckin’—” Mishka waved his hand. “Kiss you tonight and slap you tomorrow. Maybe we should just… wait until tomorrow to see how we feel. And maybe a few weeks after that.” Lina: at 5:46 PM "Ah. Right. Reasonable." Goro clenched his jaw and kept having to work at taking full breaths. "It's just, I don't, I don't know how to be this close to you without wanting to kiss you." He'd thought maybe saying it would make it easier, clear the air a little. But it didn't. He wanted to do it worse than ever. He turned his head as far to the side as he could. Out of kissing range. There. Coyote: at 5:51 PM Mishka made a noise. It was a pretty undignified noise; halfway between a snort, a laugh, and a choking noise. He turned away so Goro couldn't see him smiling. "Alright. Well, would you kiss me if I told you not to?" Lina: at 5:53 PM "No." But then, there was the safeword. "Maybe." Coyote: at 5:57 PM "Alright. Well, I'm telling you not to. So you'll just have to fuckin' deal, I guess." Mishka briefly considered whispering dirty shit in Goro's ear to make the problem worse-- just to fuck with him a bit-- then decided not to. Mishka wasn't quite that stupid. One of them had to be the rational one, apparently that was Mishka right now. God help them. Lina: at 5:58 PM "Maybe, what if, we kissed just this once, but we don't tell anyone. Then if we want to slap each other again tomorrow, we can just pretend it didn't happen." Coyote: at 6:03 PM "Aha," Mishka said. "Thanks for the fucking offer, Asmodeus. See, that's pretty fucking tempting, but that is in fact the exact same pit trap we keep falling into. And I am not quite stupid enough to walk into it a third time, thanks." He started counting on his fingers. Three times? Had it been three times? He wasn't sure. Too fuckin' many. Wasn't doing it anymore. "You're a devil from the Nine Hells, you know that?" Mishka said. "You've got a hundred and fifty years left. We can wait." Then said, a little more quietly, a little closer to Goro's ear: "I'll make you wait."(edited) Lina: at 6:11 PM Goro jerked his ear away from Mishka's mouth. He felt raw, oversensitive. The light from the fire was too bright. Mishka's whisper was too loud. His skin was too hot. Mishka. What a dick. Goro wondered what exactly he'd do if he tried to kiss him anyway. In fact, he was really curious. So he turned his head back around and pecked Mishka on the mouth. "Wait for what?" Coyote: at 6:19 PM Mishka wrapped his hand around Goro's throat and held him there. Goro swallowed against his hand. It wasn't a tight grip, just firm. "Ahaha. Very clever," Mishka said, still amused. "Still no, though. Pit trap. Not falling into it. How about we don't kiss tonight and we don't slap each other tomorrow." Then he let go, kissed Goro on the head, and got off the couch. "You've lost cuddling privileges. Tsk, tsk." Lina: at 6:24 PM Goro rearranged himself on the couch, spreading his arms out along the back of it, and grinning. "Dreadful." Then, because he was in a good mood now, "Don't tell Hansel on me." Coyote: at 6:28 PM Mishka paused, eying him. "I can handle my problems myself," he said. "But maybe I'll tell anyway him so he can watch. He seems to like that." He raised his hand and flicked his fingers good-bye. Grabbed his cloak and headed for the door. Lina: at 6:35 PM Goro watched him go, then rested his head on the back of the couch. You've got a hundred and fifty years left. We can wait. Odd thing to say. Goro never really assumed he was going to live that long. Never assumed he was going to live as long as next week, really; seemed like it was inviting disaster. Interesting, though, that Mishka took it for granted. Like he'd already decided to keep him. end Lina: at 6:55 PM Title: Wait. Summary: Goro and Mishka clear up some things and agree to be on friendly terms going forward. Category:Text Roleplay